But it won't be like that for me, not this year. I came home from university two days ago to find out that my dad had left my mom and moved out. Permanently. I could barely look at him the whole ride to my home, I tried to keep my sobs silent. What could I say, I was in shock.

Since then I sent him a letter and I know in a way he's sorry, but his timing couldn't be any worse. Instead of simply having bad moments, I'm having "good moments" clouded by a mostly negative day. I hate it, I just wish I could wake up and have things be different.

My mom's taking it so hard, it's heartbreaking to see. But I know she can get through it, she's strong.

I'm pretty much already past the first three steps of grief. I denied it, I was angry and I bargained with god. Now I'm depressed waiting for the acceptance. All in two days, my world and my mood have gone a full 180. But I hide how I feel from my family, they're all in too much pain. So I bottled up the emotions and carried on.

Not the healthiest way to deal with emotions, believe me I know. But it's the only way I know how to deal with it. It would've been hard anytime of year, but Christmas of all times.

I can't do Christmas happy, not this year.

Ardently,

Allie