Vulnerability, it's a funny thing. It's something I hate, something I wish I could change and something I sometimes don't see. But it's always there, lurking in the shadows. It fades but never disappears. It creeps up when I least expect it and fills my world with dark thoughts and dark days. I think sometimes solitude would be a lot simpler than trusting.

Trusting involves divulging my secrets, fears and my soul to someone. That's a terrifying thought that I let someone in completely. So I keep guarded just enough that no one can hurt me. It's not a wise idea, but it's been keeping me going for the past eighteen years.

So maybe I'll learn in time to trust and be trusted, but I've had so many people walk into my life only to walk right back out. So I've learned that it's better not to trust them entirely, but rather to only let them in so much that they feel we're close. But never actually be truly close. Not yet anyway.

University's brought me so many new people that I enjoy getting to know. But I can't let any of them in like I wish I could. They'll leave me, that's what the voice in my head reminds me and I can't help but agree with it. So we're friends but a true close relationship will take months, even years to develop. But for now I'm trying to sort my way through the world as best I can.

I just don't want to be lonely but I think that sometimes I do like to be alone.