I'm addicted to the concept of love. What does it truly mean to be "in love"? I don't know, because this is something I haven't experienced yet.
However, I have experienced heart break. It's strange how it is so much easier to have your heart broken rather than to feel it's joy. To shed tears over someone than to kiss them. Maybe this happens so that when love does come along we will be able to appreciate it. The day our hearts fill up we will still remember the days when they were empty.
My heart has only ached once, I was over the moon for a boy with little emotion for me. I pined and pined away for him, but still he said nothing. I spoke to him, pleading with him to talk to me, and yet he did nothing. So I poured my heart into an email and sent it to him. It turned into an argument, the friendship we were creating was destroyed forever. I have not spoken to him since that night.
But not a day goes by that I don't think about how that made me feel, the emotion is still so raw. I remember how it feels to cry on my bathroom floor, so broken I didn't know if I could ever stand up again. The sobs that shook my entire body as I lay in my bed pleading with God for answers. I can't because the minute I do, I'll let myself throw my heart away again. So I keep this as a reminder, that the day I meet a boy who doesn't make me feel this way—he'll be the one.
Maybe he won't be here in a week, a month or even a year. But I know he will be here in time. And that's all I need to keep me going.
Ardently,
Allie
Labels: boy, fall, heart, kiss, love, me, my, so, stolen
